the little sorority girl that couldn’t

Sorority life: it would be an understatement to say it is not for everyone. If you like dressing up in costumes, high school dances, saying one thing but doing another, and making up pretend things to care about then it is probably for you. That is a bit harsh and exaggerated, and I can already hear my sister in the back of my head saying “this was your choice” and my mom saying “you just need to be more outgoing.”

I can see how a lot of people enjoy it. If you make friends, go out, and get involved on campus then yes. But to me, getting involved on campus looks like high school student council super-sized. Are these groups really necessary? What do they actually do? I am probably just being uber-negative because if everyone were me, they would just stay at home and flake out on everyone else. It is quite the life. I mean the relief of thinking you’re going to do something then backing out last minute is precious.

I believe the stars were not aligned for me to enjoy Greek life. I have been pain-fully shy my entire life. Outgoing isn’t exactly in my vocabulary. I barely came out of my awkward-looking phase before I entered college. My introduction to my sorority began on Bid Day 2007. While some sororities go bowling or roller skating or something comfortable like that, mine instead had a giant slip’n’slide in the back yard. So awkward shy me wasn’t ready to get half-naked in front of strangers and oil myself up in Crisco. pooI know there are contradictions in  every facet of life but the ones here just seem so blatant. I don’t want to discredit people just because they are in a house because I know a lot of successful, nice people who are Greek. People are more than their letters. I just think there is just so much nonsense that goes into it. Some days, I feel like I am playing the corporate game.  No one say what we are all thinking! You are not a person but a marketing tool. How did it evolve this far? A group of smart dowdy-looking chicks wanted to start a club and then…. How did they recruit new members back in the 1870s without Spanx??

This little rant was all inspired by mom this evening. Have you ever been yelled at for everything you already feel incredibly bad about bad about? Yeah well it was one those fights.  I still feel like an observer of Greek life rather than a participator even though this is my second year in the house. Usually, even though I am shy, friends just happen for me, but not here. Being the quiet girl who smiles a lot has gotten me pretty far in life until now. I could say I really have no friends in this house, lots of acquaintances yes but friends no.  This just makes me want to leave here as much as I can which kind of also hurts the whole friend-making business. I feel like a stranger here with everyone wondering “Who is that weird girl?” It is an awful worthless feeling.

I am sure there are nice bright girls in the house. I mean, I know there are but we aren’t pals. My mom says I don’t try, probably true. She is someone who loved her sorority and all her friends from it are all still her friends. She is quite blessed for that, but it didn’t happen for me. I was told by someone once that I accept things that make me unhappy. Probably, because I always assume I am the one doing something wrong. I just feel like I have wasted two years being in something I don’t like when I could be living with people I do. What I really would like to hear from my mom is “This isn’t for everyone, and that’s ok.”


September 22, 2009. Tags: , , , , . Uncategorized.

One Comment

  1. Lucy replied:

    I love you, baby!

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